12:30am - the weekend is over and tomorrow is the halloween day all the wee ones wait for so they can wear their costumes and trick or treat for candy.
We don't get any kids because of the remote area where we are but that's ok. I really don't mind. I do pick up a few boxes of the halloween candy that comes out a this time of year though. Love those little choc bars.
I have been listening to melancholy tunes from the fifties and I felt like my heat was going to break in pieces. I feel so sad when I think of love and intimacy and cuddling with a partner who really loves me. I am not sure just what kind of situation I have on my hands but I will be telling D tomorrow that we are seeing a relationship counsellor on Sunday next. He already agreed that he would do so and I really hope he means to at least try to understand what I would like this relationship to look like.
I am at a point where I am ready to strike out on my own again if things don't change. I have to step up my work a bit and start to develop my business, especially if I am going to be alone. The challenge is that the remoteness of my business is not supportive of building a regular client base and I really need to relocate to a larger center. I just know that I can build a good business in a larger center especially when the city I am thinking of is one where I already have a lot of clients.
Today I realized that the relationship with B and the effort I have put into trying to help him is futile - especially now. I sent a very tasteful email letting him know that I would be occupied with other projects a lot now and wouldn't be in touch as much as before. He wrote back that he was fine with that - all is good. It was wonderful to feel that I had done what I could for him, and could now step down and let him fend for himself. I had no idea he had drained me so much until I got another email from him tonight asking for more help.
He requests and needs far surpass what I can do for him, and he will ask until the day I die so I have to accept that he is who he is and not get hooked in again like I did over the past few months.
J has a 17th birthday coming up. Not sure what she will want to do but there is another situation where I have to let her and her dad and stepmom take charge and make the decisions. I fear she will come to me and ask to have a party here with her local friends, although maybe not. I already told her any underage drinking could not happen and she was a bit distressed because apparently that is what the parties are about now. Oh well, another release and letting go for me.
I have to step up what I do for myself energetically, and I will. This blog os a part of that process. I like writing where it really isn't clear who I am and who I am referring to.
Anyway, another week ahead, each day another chance to find the next joyful step and be joyful in the taking of it.
until next time.... Cybersource77
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